Conflict Resolution & Prevention for Cultural Appropriation in Kink, BDSM, and Leather Communities
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Version 22Oct2026
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Copyright 2026, Domum Corium Cordis (LeatherHeart), DaddyBearMike
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Availability: Writing, Tailored class
Cultural Appropriation can be an inherent point of conflict in alternative (Kink, BDSM, Leather) communities that can require unique tools for those of us in the alternative communities prevent and resolve. I’d been meaning to add to my work “Tools for Reducing Internal Community Conflict” on this topic for some time, but had been distracted by other things. Recently, a really good short writing by @Tango17987--Anon on Fetlife came through my feed on the topic related to how it had impacted the alternative communities. This writing explores this difficult community conflict subject area with the intent of developing foundations for a future prevention and resolution tool.
Warning/Note: This writing should not be considered an opinion piece. It is an academic writing intended to advance my existing work on conflict prevention and resolution. The slant of this article is toward an “Accused Party” approach to prevention and resolution of conflict.
Background
My first strong experience with this topic and the conflict it surfaced in our community was when House of Iron (House_of_Iron on Fetlife) had a singular, very short but strong writing on Fetlife, 11 Aug 2023, titled “Declaration Against Non-Indigenous Sanctioned Hook-Pulls in Leather/Kink/BDSM Spaces.” Here’s my short summary (I encourage you to look up the original writing if you have interest.):
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In its August 11, 2023 declaration, House of Iron, identifying itself as the first recognized Indigenous Leather House, condemns non-Indigenous hook pulls within Leather/Kink/BDSM communities as Cultural Appropriation of sacred Lakota traditions. Citing the 1993 Lakota Summit V declaration, it argues that these practices should be protected from exploitation, commercialization, entertainment, and eroticization. House of Iron's statement rejects spiritually framed hook pulls conducted without qualified Indigenous leadership and opposes non-Indigenous events involving such practices. It calls upon event producers to accept accountability and provide reparations. Their declaration also acknowledges sacred body-suspension traditions in other cultures, including Tamil Hindu Thaipusam and Charak Puja.
Although respect should always be given, I was initially perplexed in my naiveté by this stance given hook pull is practiced across the world and seemingly should not be owned, policed, or limited. One person on Fetlife, @R1HZ, who often challenges a variety of positions on Fetlfe with logic and broader perspective wrote an initially neutral acknowledgement of Lakota practice, but aggressively challenged the position of the statement, in part with this response:
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“…Efforts to police or regulate the way that culture is shared across local, national, and international boundaries is a kind of cultural arrogance that flows from the corrupt academic consciousness called 'Cultural Appropriation'. Any strong nation or culture should welcome and absorb the positive energy of any efforts at emulation or imitation. Instead of posing like a pouting child that is 'feeling offended'.”
@R1HZ had an exchange with those that challenged and supported his position where he asserted that cultural traditions should spread freely across racial, national, and social boundaries. His conversations descended into some name calling in that exchange. He rejects race-based limitations on who may offer opinions, insisting that valuable advice can come from anyone.
A short while after this exchange, I believe in March 2024, I attended South Plains Leatherfest (SPLF) in Dallas. At that event, House of Iron walked out of an entertainment segment, in unison as a deliberate demonstration when hook pull was included in an entertainment fantasy or scene during a contest. This public act by House of Iron demonstrated support of their position had some minor impact on the event, but strong impact on the producer of the event in the moment. I had the opportunity to talk to the producer about the situation and their response so I could better understand it.
More recently, @Tango17987--Anon created a great writing around 19 Oct 2026, “Cultural Appropriation: The Contradiction Nobody Wants to Acknowledge.” Here’s my summary:
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Tango17987--Anon argues that modern accusations of Cultural Appropriation often confuse exploitation with ordinary cultural exchange. In his view, diversity and tolerance depend on people being able to learn from, participate in, and adopt elements of cultures other than their own. Treating such participation as inherently offensive creates a contradiction: society cannot encourage cultural understanding while simultaneously policing cultural boundaries.
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He distinguishes genuine harms—such as deliberate exploitation, dishonest profit, misrepresentation, or disrespect—from appreciation, curiosity, participation, and influence. Because cultures have always developed through interaction, migration, trade, and shared ideas, cultural exchange is both normal and historically unavoidable.
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His central concern is that overly broad accusations of appropriation can become tools for gatekeeping, moral authority, public shaming, and social division. He concludes that cultural conflicts should instead be evaluated through context, respect, intent, exploitation, and actual harm rather than assuming that crossing cultural boundaries is itself wrongdoing.
Hook pull is not the only potential Cultural Appropriation in BDSM. Here are some others:
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Shibari
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Piercing
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Cutting
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Clothing styles
Foundations for Understanding, Preventing, and Resolving Cultural Appropriation Conflict
DEFINITIONS
Cultural Appropriation
It seems useful to define Cultural Appropriation, at least for the purpose of this writing, so we’re all on the same page. There seem to be may definitions with various slants.
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“The act of taking or using things from a culture that is not your own, especially without showing that you understand or respect this culture.” (Cambridge Dictionary)
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“The act of copying or using the customs and traditions of a group or culture that is not your own, in a way that is considered to show a lack of respect or understanding.” (Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary)
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“The adoption, usually without acknowledgment, of cultural identity markers from subcultures or minority communities into mainstream culture by people with a relatively privileged status.” (Dictionary.com)
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Philosophers C. Thi Nguyen and Matthew Strohl describe Cultural Appropriation more broadly as borrowing elements from another culture. They emphasize that whether such borrowing is ethically wrong is a separate, complicated question, and caution against sweeping generalizations. (Oxford Handbook of Ethics and Art, 2023)
Concerned/Accused Party
For the remainder of this writing, let’s define common language about positions in Cultural Appropriation conflict:
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Concerned Party – those who might or have made claims of Cultural Appropriation.
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Accused Party – those who may have made or could make a future act considered by some as Cultural Appropriation.
FIVE RECURRING THEMES IN Cultural Appropriation
There seem to be five recurring themes in these definitions:
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Cultural Borrowing
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An accused party adopts something originating in another culture.
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Respect and Understanding
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The borrowing may be characterized as disrespectful or uninformed.
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Acknowledgment
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The Concerned Party culture may not receive recognition.
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Power Imbalance
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A more privileged group adopts practices associated with a less privileged group.
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Ethical Wrongdoing
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This only exists if the particular borrowing actually constitutes misconduct.
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Two Questions to Ask in Cultural Appropriation Instances
To better understand potential or existing conflict in instances of Cultural Appropriation, it seems these questions should be asked:
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Without judging wrongdoing, has Cultural Appropriation occurred?
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In the descriptive sense, has the accused party adopted practices or expressions originating in another culture?
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Does it matter if the Concerned Party is not the only culture that practices the activity in question?
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Was that appropriation wrongful?
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Did it involve exploitation, misrepresentation, disrespect, or other identifiable harm?
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Conflict will no doubt come from the fact that the concept “wrongful” is subjective.
Three Levels of Involvement in of Cultural Appropriation Issues
Accusation of Cultural Appropriation can be divided into three levels of involvement. This is also useful for evaluating one’s own future action or current action in potential Cultural Appropriation claims.
Opinion • Judgment • Enforcement
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Level 1: Opinion or Concern
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Activity: Expressing a belief, discomfort, objection, or concern about an activity.
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Implication: Anyone may express an opinion. No special authority is required.
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Level 2: Judgment
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Activity: Determining whether an activity is right or wrong. Asserting that the accused party should change their behavior. Persuasion may be involved here – asking for the accused party to reconsider their position and actions.
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Implication: Anyone can make a judgment, but a higher level of investigation and evidence should be performed to create a valid judgement. Asserting that the accused party is obligated to accept the judgement requires justification.
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Level 3: Enforcement
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Activity: Taking action intended to compel compliance with a judgment or impose consequences for noncompliance.
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Implication: Requires examination of the Concerned Party’s authority, the legitimacy of the action, and its proportionality.
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Implication: Also note that an organizer (Accused Party) has authority over the event. They may establish an event restriction without settling whether everyone elsewhere has an ethical obligation to follow it.
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These levels help navigate response to, or critique of, claims made by the Concerned Party. The right to express an opinion or concern on Cultural Appropriation is different from the authority to impose that judgment on others which is again different from enforcement of the judgement. When one creates an active campaign against an accused party to harm them or coerce them into compliance, one has stepped into enforcement.
Here’s an illustrative example, consider three responses to a non-Indigenous person conducting a hook pull:
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Opinion: "I believe this practice disrespects tribal traditions."
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Judgment: "This activity constitutes wrongful Cultural Appropriation, and its organizers should discontinue it."
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Enforcement: "We are organizing a campaign to pressure venues to cancel this person's events until they stop conducting hook pulls."
For preventing and resolving conflict in these areas consider these points:
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Respecting another person's cultural sensitivities does not require accepting their interpretation of wrongdoing, surrendering one's own judgment, or granting them authority over one's behavior.
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Absence of proven wrongdoing does not eliminate opportunities for understanding, respectful acknowledgment, and voluntary accommodation.
Foundations for Prevention and Resolution of Cultural Appropriation Conflict
Structure that we’ll use here is:
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Prevention – Steps to help avoid conflict
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Evaluation – Steps to understand potential or existing conflict
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Resolution – Steps to resolve conflict
PREVENTION of Cultural Appropriation Issues
Prevention is usually the most efficient use of effort so should be emphasized as a common practice.
This material was strongly influenced and inspired by “How do I explore kink spiritually or ritualistically without appropriating cultures?” by Gareth Redfern-Shaw, Consent Culture. See references section for information.
Two Questions to Ask in Cultural Appropriation Instances
These are options to consider that may help prevent conflict. Treat these items as a menu of choices that may or may not apply to your situation.
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Understand before you implement
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Research the history of the practices you intend to utilize.
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Before responding - Learn, understand
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Read articles. Attend workshops. Act from a position of understanding.
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Objections of Cultural Appropriation can feel like an attack or impactful to the accused party. This often leads one toward immediate rejection of the Concerned Party’s claim as a defensive mechanism. Before rejecting a claim, try to understand the concern and why it is impactful to the Concerned Party. Ask something like, “Help my understand why this is important to you and where the boundaries are in this matter.” Asking the question doesn’t commit you to any line of action.
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Separate Culture-Specific Attributes from Your Kink
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Details matter. The specific style, order, appearance, materials, color, etc. might add cultural significance that is irrelevant to your needs. For instance, many cultures may perform hook pull, but each may have their own approach and style.
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While you may specifically copy attributes, be intentional about those attributes in respect for the cultural significance.
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Ask yourself why you want to adopt culturally specific attributes and if it is essential to your needs. Reconsider if appropriate.
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Ask Guidance or Permission
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Should you want to have exacting duplication of a culturally significant aspect to your kink, is it possible to ask for guidance on how to implement and how to not implement your activities?
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Members of a culture may disagree amongst themselves. Asking for guidance or permission should therefore include understanding whom the person represents and the scope of any permission.
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Make the Activity Your Own
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Do you need to borrow from other cultures? Can you instead be inspired by the culture in question and create something new?
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Represent the activity accurately and acknowledge relevant influences.
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When you do believe that your activities are appropriate, avoid implying cultural endorsement, ceremonial authenticity, or spiritual authority you do not possess. Acknowledgment need not concede wrongdoing.
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Plan communication before a public event.
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Organizers can explain what is intended, invite specific concerns early, and establish who will consider them. This connects individual preparation to community conflict prevention.
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Always act With Respect, Compassion
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Practice respectful disagreement when you choose to proceed with actions that are challenged.
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EVALUATION of Cultural Appropriation Issues
Sincerity • Reasonableness • Wrongdoing • Responsibility
Evaluation is best handled as a preventative step, but often comes after a claim of Cultural Appropriation is made. For prevention, try to speculate about what issues may be brought up through your own active research or investigation. For resolution, first try to understand the claims before dismissing them.
Four questions might be asked in either prevention or resolution:
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Sincerity — Is the concern honestly held? (avoid this)
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Avoid this! Judging a Concerned Party’s sincerity in their claim is a bad idea which will likely lead to a bad outcome. It makes better sense to accept all claims as sincere. It is quite possible that a claim is not sincere. However, such claims might be a trap that can be used to criticize your approach. It is far better to understand substance of the claim with other questions.
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Reasonableness — What supports the interpretation and requested boundaries?
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What cultural connection is claimed? Is the activity borrowed, independently developed, or shared across cultures? What assumptions connect the activity to the objection? Is the claim unique in one culture, or is this activity existing in many cultures throughout a longer period? This approach examines the reasoning without requiring everyone to share underlying religious or cultural beliefs.
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Wrongdoing — Does the conduct violate an ethical obligation, and on what basis?
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Even if borrowing occurred, why is this instance wrongful? Consider misrepresentation, exploitation, disrespect, breached agreements, or harm. Identify the values being applied and where the parties disagree.
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Responsibility — Who owes what response?
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If wrongdoing occurred, who bears responsibility, and what correction is proportionate? Even without established wrongdoing, is acknowledgment or voluntary accommodation appropriate? This question also applies to how objections are pursued.
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Examples to Discuss
Consider these examples, discuss with others if you're in a group. These examples may illuminate ways to understand and evaluate a concern.
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Someone can be sincerely offended without the conduct being wrongful.
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A person may experience sincere offense and conclude that others must modify their behavior to alleviate it. However, the intensity of someone's emotional response does not, by itself, determine the legitimacy of the behavioral demands they place on others. If this does happen, a community risks creating an incentive structure in which greater expressions of offense produce greater influence over collective behavior.
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An offended person's feelings deserve consideration, but the accused person's conduct deserves an independent evaluation.
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Someone can also engage in wrongful behavior without anyone expressing offense.
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Even where no wrongdoing exists, a modest accommodation may be appropriate simply because it reduces friction and promotes constructive relationships.
RESOLUTION of Cultural Appropriation Conflict
Common Conflict Resolution
Resolution techniques will include many common approaches identified in my “Tools for Reducing Internal Community Conflict” classes. We’ll not cover those here in detail but will list current tools for reference:
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6+ Approaches Resolving Conflict6+
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Advocacy for those Causing Harm – Meet me halfway
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Apology
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Codes of Conduct
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Conflict Triage
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Cultural Conflict Styles
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Drama Triangle
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Elephant Controversy
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Ethical Accountability
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Extreme Measures
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Mediators & Ombuds
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Nobody’s Coming to the Rescue
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Non-violent communication
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Normalizing Response
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Restorative Justice
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Vetting
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Weaponized Conflict Resolution
Five Response Use Cases
For Cultural Appropriation Topics, consider these response use cases as a bit more specific to potential conflict resolution techniques:
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Understanding
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Recognition
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Explanation Without Change
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Voluntary Accommodation
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Corrective Action (where justified)
These categories may overlap in real-life situations, therefore combine concepts as needed.
For each of these, it may be more informative to give example responses in the process of conflict resolution. These are only abstract exemplars – they must be adjusted to specific situations.
Understanding
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“Could you help us understand which specific elements of this activity concern you and how they relate to your cultural traditions.”
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“Are you objecting to the physical activity itself, the ceremonial details, or how we describe and present it? We want to understand that distinction before responding.”
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“People from the same culture have offered us different guidance. Can you help us understand how your concern relates to those differing views, and whether you are speaking personally or on behalf of a particular group?”
Recognition
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“We recognize that this practice has sacred significance within your tradition and that its use in an erotic setting may be particularly troubling to you.”
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“We acknowledge the cultural influences on our practice. That acknowledgment does not mean that we claim membership in your tradition or authority to represent it.”
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“We recognize that members of your community were punished or stigmatized for practices that outsiders can now perform openly or profit from. That unequal treatment deserves acknowledgment as we consider your objection.”
Explanation Without Change
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“We recognize that flesh-hook pulling has important historical and spiritual associations with certain Indigenous traditions. We respect those traditions and the people who practice them. Our activity is not presented as an Indigenous ceremony, and we do not claim Indigenous spiritual authority or replicate sacred ceremonial elements.”
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“We understand your request that we discontinue the activity. Having considered the cultural connection and your concerns, we do not agree that the activity itself should be restricted to members of one culture. We intend to continue while accurately describing what we do and its influences.”
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“The resemblance you identified is worth discussing. However, we developed this element independently and have found no evidence that it was borrowed from your tradition. We will continue using it without presenting it as connected to that tradition.”
Voluntary Accommodation
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"Although we do not agree that our activity constitutes wrongdoing, we can remove the ceremonial music and imagery you identified. Those elements are unnecessary to our purpose.”
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“We are willing to add an acknowledgment of the traditions that influenced this activity. We offer this as a gesture of respect, without agreeing that permission is required for the activity itself.”
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“We will move this activity out of the shared opening ceremony and offer it as a separately identified, optional session. This allows people to attend the broader event without being made an audience to something they find culturally objectionable.”
Corrective Action Where Justified
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“We advertised this as an authentic Indigenous ceremony without a basis for that claim. That was misleading and we apologize. We will correct the description and notify those who received the original announcement.”
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“We used cultural material beyond the permission given to us. We will stop that use, acknowledge the breach, and discuss what further action would appropriately address it.”
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“We continued using your community’s name in our advertising after you explicitly declined endorsement. We will remove it and publicly clarify that your community neither sponsored nor approved this event.”
Significance of Multiple Origins
One theme appearing in several cultures challenges in this tool is about a Concerned Party claim of exclusive origin or control over the general activity when this is arguably not correct. It will take considered thought to decide if the concern is valid and should be accommodated even though the Concerned Party is potentially overstating their claim. See the Prevention section of this tool for more ideas.
Accommodation Ratchet
In situations with intense belief in origin rights and religion, one should be careful that sincere accommodation is not used to pose future demands or used as evidence against those making accommodations.
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Definition: Accommodation Ratchet
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The process through which voluntary concessions become assumed entitlements, precedents for further demands, or evidence of admission of wrongdoing.
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Example:
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A Concerned Party objects to a cultural practice.
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The accused party offers a voluntary acknowledgment to demonstrate respect.
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The acknowledgment is subsequently cited as evidence that the accused party recognized the practice as problematic.
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The Concerned Party demands additional concessions from the accused party.
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What began as a voluntary gesture by the accused party becomes treated as a minimum obligation.
To help prevent this, an accused party might explicitly distinguish recognition of cultural significance from agreement with an allegation of wrongful appropriation.
Conclusions
This writing is the basis of a new tool section for the broader project “Tools for Reducing Internal Community Conflict” that will be refined from this material. Suggestions for improvement and corrections are welcome.
References
These references from the Internet were part of research to determine work that has already addressed issues in this article. The references include a short assessment of the applicability of the reference to this writing.
BDSM References
While these references touch on the subject and have relevance, this initial search found no clearly documented BDSM-specific process for evaluating disputed appropriation claims and coming to a fair resolution.
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Cultural Appropriation in BDSM: How to Engage with Global Practices Respectfully, Maja Metera, 28 November 2025, https://obedienceapp.com/blog/cultural-appropriation-in-bdsm-how-to-engage-with-global-practices-respectfully
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This writing talks about how global culture has shaped modern kink. It briefly discusses how being in a place of privilege may blind one to frustrations of others. Additionally it suggests that being in the melting pot of the USA, it can be difficult to understand why there is push-back and how to see boundaries.
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Honoring or Appropriating? Cultural Nuance in Rope and Representation, https://www.camerashy13.com/honoring-a-culture-vs-cultural-appropriation
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This writing talks about cultural imagery in fetish photography. A practitioner discusses photographing a Chinese participant wearing her own qipao and hanfu, asking how personal cultural expression differs from using someone’s identity as an aesthetic prop. This raises questions about who initiates the presentation, what it communicates, and whose interpretation matters.
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How do I explore kink spiritually or ritualistically without appropriating cultures?, Gareth Redfern-Shaw, Consent Culture, https://consentculture.community/faq-items/how-do-i-explore-kink-spiritually-or-ritualistically-without-appropriating-cultures/
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Discusses incorporating culturally specific ceremonies, symbols, or claims of spiritual authority is another explicit subject of kink guidance. The disputed element may be the ceremony’s presentation or claimed authority rather than the physical activity itself. Has a “Guidelines for Ethical Exploration of Kinky Rituals” that is very informative.
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What Is A Hook Pull?, Ritual Steel
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Acknowledges inspiration from several cultural traditions while describing its practice as a distinct modern ritual with a leather-community history. It explicitly distinguishes inspiration from appropriation. This closely resembles the acknowledgment and differentiation approach in this writing. It establishes the organizer’s position; it does not independently establish that its historical or ethical claims are correct. https://ritualsteel.com/info/what-is-a-hook-pull/
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Hook Pulls, Edgewalkers
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This group connects its practice to Fakir Musafar, Cleo Dubois, and Mark Joplin, including a response to the AIDS epidemic. It acknowledges influences from other traditions and argues that creating a new ritual differs from performing those source ceremonies. This gives you a concrete argument to evaluate alongside House of Iron’s objection. https://www.edgewalkers.info/rituals/hook-pulls/
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Consensual Non-Fiction: S/M and spirituality (podcast), maggie stvns, Dec 11, 2025.
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Consensual Non-Fiction: S/M and spirituality discussion quotes and links House of Iron’s declaration. The author argues that BDSM harm reduction should include cultural harm and treats the declaration as something practitioners must address. Supplies no independent adjudication process.
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Kimono 2 What We Wear - Live Performance, Originally created in 2015. This performance was 2017, Midori – and – ONLINE Histories & Cultures of Shibari with Midori, 24 Aug 2022.
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In her account, Midori describes expectations surrounding a requested shibari performance at Oslo Fetish Weekend. She explains concerns about stereotyping and exoticization while explicitly describing the organizers as reasonable and acting in good faith. This piece shows how cultural conflict can exist without deliberate disrespect. Midori’s account is at https://www.artworkarchive.com/profile/midori/artwork/kimono-2-what-we-wear-live-performance-midori. Her 2022 workshop hosted by VoxBody also explicitly addressed Cultural Appropriation and Shabari history. https://www.tickettailor.com/events/voxbodystudio/699859
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BightBound
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These rope educators acknowledge Japanese influence but generally avoid Japanese terminology because they believe misuse can approach Cultural Appropriation. This is a practical example of adjusting presentation while continuing the activity. https://www.bightbound.com/faq
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Peripheral References
To expand upon concepts broader than BDSM, these references were scanned to see what might be learned. Most of them deal with the arts and related cultural aspects of indigenous peoples.
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Protocols for Using First Nations Cultural and Intellectual Property in the Arts, Creative Australia: protocols for preventing problems.
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No references to BDSM. Focused on the arts. Provides principles, practical guidance, and case studies covering consultation, consent, attribution, cultural integrity, confidentiality, and benefit sharing. This is an established framework for planning projects involving Indigenous cultural material. It explicitly endorses Indigenous ownership and control of cultural heritage. It does not begin by neutrally evaluating whether that authority exists in a disputed instance. Read the protocols.
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Culturally informed dispute resolution, Creative Workplaces: methods for resolving an existing dispute.
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No reference to BDSM. Specifically addresses disagreements over cultural information, permissions, and cultural protocols. Options include direct discussion, facilitated conversations, yarning circles, and mediation involving cultural advisors or Elders. Contains practical methods for conducting a conversation. Does not provide a detailed test for determining whether an appropriation allegation is justified. Culturally informed dispute resolution.
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Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) for Art and Cultural Heritage, World Intellectual Property Organization (WIPO)
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WIPO offers mediation, arbitration, and expert determination for art and cultural heritage disputes, expressly including misuse or misappropriation of traditional cultural expressions. Its approach accommodates ethical, religious, spiritual, and historical concerns alongside legal issues. This is a functioning dispute-resolution mechanism, though not aligned with alternative communities and BDSM. WIPO’s art and cultural heritage services.
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Cultural Appropriation and the Canada Council's approach, Canada Council for the Arts:
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No reference to BDSM. However, it explicitly recognizes that not every appropriation claim is legitimate or reasonable. It uses discussion among diverse peer assessors, published assessment criteria, additional information where needed, and possible funding conditions. A perception of appropriation does not automatically make a project ineligible. Its scope is arts funding, but it offers an institutional example of taking concerns seriously while examining their merits. Canada Council’s approach.
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The Use of Mediation to Resolve Conflicts Arising from Cultural Appropriation by Western Fashion Brands, Faith Adongo, Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law.